XVIII. Coming Back

“There is a kind magicness about going far away and then coming back all changed.” Kate Douglas Wiggie

Hae Jin stood in front of the sink inside the small kitchen in her apartment washing her dishes.  She slowly scrubbed a glass with the wash sponge. She wore a pair of latex gloves.  She enjoyed washing dishes in warm water. It served to relax after work and meditate on her day.  She only owned two plates and currently washed only one. She had gotten used to eating with Jun and eating alone again suddenly felt like both a curse and a blessing.

She hadn’t spoken to or seen Jun in a week. She took a moment aware of the quiet around her. It gave her space to think and let things catch up for her. Since Jun had appeared everything had moved so rapidly. Her days had felt like she was always holding her breath in expectation, waiting for their next encounter, wondering at how it could all be happening to her. Feelings just so many of them.  The space had been a needed respite to figure it all out. Even so, she also missed him terribly.

They had quarreled as they hiked back down from the temple visit. 

Every time she replayed their conversation in her head, which she had done all week, she started feeling upset again.

She dried her dishes and slowly put them away. It was a Friday night, but she didn’t want to go out. Instead, she would take a shower and put her pajamas on.

The doorbell rang making her freeze. She was almost afraid to find out who it might be.  She looked at the camera and saw who it was.

“Hello, Hae Jin, it’s me.  Came over for a visit. I’m glad you are home. I thought you might have gone out, since it’s Friday night.” Getting closer to the camera he said, “Your baby is here, he misses you. It’s been a whole week, so come on, open up, pleaaase.” He finished with a wide grin. Seeing those adorable eyes placed in front of the camera, she couldn’t resist opening the door. She knew he was using those eyes against her.

His tall frame filled the door. Suddenly she saw him darting in between her feet.  His little puppy legs running as fast as they could and bolting into her apartment. All she managed to see was a white fur ball running past her. She forgot all about the man standing at the door and started chasing after snowball, without looking back she said to him, “You did that on purpose, Jeong Ahn!”

Jeong Ahn leaned on the door smiling with his arms crossed. In his hand he carried a plastic grocery bag and said to her, “Of course, I did! Who can resist snowball? You and Hyung left him with me for a week. I was okay for both of you to have some time together last weekend, and it’s not that I mind snowball. You both know that, but it has been a week. I have a girlfriend and a life too, you know? 

Besides, Hyung came back in a foul mood.  I thought you were both getting away for some relax time?”

Hae Jin had managed to catch snowball and held him close to her in one arm, rubbing her cheek against his fur. Already, holding him was making her feel better than she had all week. 

She walked up to the door and focused her eyes on the bag Jeon Ahn carried with a question in her eyes. She could have sworn his eyes were twinkling with mischief.

 “We didn’t mean to leave him with you for a week. Thank you for taking care of him. I thought your brother would pick him up? I’m not supposed to have dogs in my apartment. Stop blocking the door. Come on in, before my landlady sees snowball.” She said, then asked,” What’s in the bag?”

“Therapy” he answered. “I picked up some soju at the store on my way here. Seeing her narrowing her eyes at him, he said,” Before you say anything more, you owe me for snowball, and this is for me as well as you.  I need a friend now.” As he spoke to her he entered her apartment and sat on one of her chairs.

Hae Jin closed the door, walked into her kitchen, grabbing a bowl of water for snowball. 

“Ju- Hee turned me down.” He said. “I proposed, and she said, she wanted to think about it.  “His voice was full of disbelief and hurt.

“After everything we’ve been thru together, she loves me, and I love her.” As he said this, his fingers interlaced through his hair and he looked down at the floor looking dejected. “What’s the holdup then?” He added feeling frustrated.

Snowball drank water from his bowl, and Hae Jin was able to focus on Jeong Ahn.  Instead of giving him an answer she grabbed the bag from him walking to her kitchen. She opened the cupboard looking for glasses.  “Did you remember to buy any snacks?” she asked, smiling at him as he looked up at her.

An hour and a half and several soju bottles later they both sat on the floor around her coffee table.  She had fed snowball and he lay on a floor pillow napping.  She was feeling sleepy herself and wished she could be napping too.

They had played a few rounds of Hi Low, and Titanic.  Hae Jin had beat Jeong Ahn at Hi Low since she seemed to pull better cards than him.  Jeong Ahn had asked they switch to Titanic, and now he was winning as her balance was not great and her glass kept sinking.

“That’s enough, Jeong Ahn. You’re too good at this game, we’re switching again.” she said.  As she spoke she was finding it hard to keep her thoughts focused and her back straight and leaned against the coffee table for support.

“There. That’s it. Right there. We can switch to playing King.” then he said “but first I need to understand women. Why do you always change your minds?  What is it women want?  In a 1,000 years I will never understand.” He said to her with finality, laying his head on the coffee table for support.

His reference to time triggered a memory of Goryeo. She had sat at a similar table with him then drinking after Lady Hae’s death.  Jeong Ahn did not know who he had been then in Goryeo.  He didn’t understand that things between him, Prince Baek-Ah and Woo Hee had not ended well then. She wanted him to know how important getting things right this time around in the present was especially since he did not know about his past………she finally said to him,

“The problem is boxes, women are always inside boxes….  You can be the wife, the mother, the slave, the Queen, or the lover.

What about not being someone who fits into one box?  What if you just want to enjoy each other’s company. Is being yourself not good enough? Must you always have a title for others to accept you? What if you like being free of boxes? You just want to live. Just because someone hands you a box, it doesn’t always mean you should get inside it.  Let me tell you Jeong Ahn, I don’t think people always have as much time as they think they do.  So just live and forget about the boxes………Got it?”

He looked at her and said in return as he offered her a benevolent smile “Got it!” and nodded his head.

Then she added, “I never fit into any of those boxes anyway.  I thought I knew Jeong Ju. I realized on that trip to the mountains, I truly don’t know him. Jeong Ahn, tell me, you can be honest with me. How can you know someone’s heart so well it feels like they are already a part of your own, and then realize they aren’t that person anymore? But even so, you still love them? What if you realize your heart truly can’t forgive them this time? Maybe it isn’t in you? I’m scared that might be the case. I don’t know what to do.” As Hae Jin spoke her lids stayed half open, then slowly she laid her head on her arms closing her eyes.

“Hey, Hae Jin you can’t fall asleep on me…we’re still playing King remember? He gently touched her shoulder “You always worry too much.” He said to her shaking her shoulder to wake her up.

Her head suddenly popped up, “King? ……. Ok, fine, I’ll be the King then. Jeong Ahn jump on one foot!” she commanded waving her hand as if giving a royal command.

Jeong Ahn stood and started jumping on one foot…the floor to her apartment shook before he lost his balance and landed on the floor.

They both broke into fits of laughter before hard knocking on the door to her apartment brought the merriment to a full stop.

Hae Jin covered her eyes with both hands “Oh no! I think that’s my landlady or the downstairs neighbor.  Jeong Ahn this is all your fault!” She said, standing up carefully and walking slowly to her door ready to apologize.  She straightened her skirt and tried to straighten her hair and back already anticipating their anger at all the noise she opened the door slowly, saying “I’m terribly sorry.” Suddenly she stopped.

“Are you?  I’m sorry too. Let’s not fight anymore. “ Jeong Jun said.  He watched her for a minute. Her cheeks were flushed. Her hair was in disarray. She looked adorable!

 “You’ve been drinking.” He said.  Hae Jin nodded at him. He stepped a little closer.

“I’ve been thinking this week and I remembered you saying to me as we stood by a lake that if we ever met in this world, you would truly, truly, love me without reservation.  I came over to let you know, I plan on holding you accountable to that promise.” 

Stretching his arms out he wrapped them around her waist pulling her to him.  “I’ve missed you” He said, giving her just enough time to look into his eyes, before his lips landed softly on hers, to kiss her.

Jeong Ahn’s voice made them pull away. “Hyung? Is that you?” he called out at them. “I’m so glad you’re here. We were just about to start playing King.” He added.

Turning towards the door Jeong Jun closed it, saying to them, “Now that’s something I can easily do. Let’s play!”

  

XVII. Tapestry

“Time unfolds beauty, wonder, and mystery to reveal the auspicious tapestry of life.” ― A.D. Posey

At Haeinsa Temple

Hae- Jin stood in front of the open doors to the Buddha Hall. Jeong Jun had left to meet with the Abbot.

She had chosen to continue seeing the temple. She stood before one of the statues trying to clear her head of worries and questions. 

She tried not to wonder what the Abbot and Jun were discussing.

Jun had said she could go to the meeting, but she knew she was already struggling with understanding the changes up to now. At times, the past could come riding in and surprise her. She would wait and let Jun explain everything once they reached home.

A man’s tentative voice called her by name, “Ms. Hae- Jin?”

She turned to see the man they had met on the trail standing shyly at a distance.

He smiled at her and said, “I thought I recognized you and your boyfriend when we saw you on the trail. I didn't want to interrupt your hike then. It is an auspicious meeting Ms. Hae- Jin. My children and I are here at the temple to give thanks. My wife and oldest son could not join us today. We feel doubly blessed running into you today.” As he spoke his eyes traveled to his children who were taking pictures on the open courtyard close to the hall.

“You might not remember me, Ms. Hae -Jin. I’m Ji-Suk. You were there the day the accident at the dock happened. You jumped in and saved our son Ji-Yun.” As he spoke his eyes glanced towards the teenage boy they had met on the trail.

“He isn’t the child that fell into the water anymore.” There was joy in his voice when he added with a smile, “His mother is having a tough time keeping his clothes fitting. He seems to grow overnight at times.”

“How are you feeling? Have you been able to recover fully from the accident?” He asked.

Hae -Jin tried to focus as memories of the day at the dock came flooding back. “I am doing well. Thank you. I have returned to work.” She said.

“I am glad to hear it Ms. Hae- Jin. We owe you. Your courage to jump in that day and try to save Ji-Yun got you hurt. I tried to reach for your hand once the boat reached you, but you went under the water so quickly. As if you were being pulled by something.

Ji-Yun had a life vest on that day which saved him. He tried to reach for you too once inside the boat. When both of us tried to lean out of the boat, our weights tipped our boat over.

He was hit by the boat and it gave him a severe concussion. I managed to swim with him to shore. His vest acted as a floater for both of us.

You both were in the same hospital.  He spent a month recovering from a coma. “

“Ji-Yun was in a coma too? I didn’t know. My mother never told me. I’m sorry” She said.

“Please don’t be Ms. Hae -Jin. We are the ones who feel terribly apologetic to you and your family. We visited you in the hospital and tried to pay for your hospital stay but the lady at the hospital told us the bill was being paid in full by your boyfriend. He was also the one who pulled you out of the water that day. We could tell he loves you very much as we saw how he cared for you at the hospital. We were so grateful he was there for you.” He said with relief in his voice.

Hae -Jin stood in stunned silence for a minute, trying to make sense of all this additional information.

Her heart was starting to feel scared. She could sense the panic starting to form, as questions started to slowly fill her mind.

“You say, I was pulled out of the water by my boyfriend?... I’m sorry but many things after the coma are still not clear to me, my memories are mixed up a bit.” She said trying to get clarification from him.

“I understand” he said, “Ji-Yun went thru the same thing. He woke up with mixed memories. He even said to us he remembered living in the past in Goryeo, as a Prince.” The father added with a small embarrassed smile.

As the father looked up Ji-Yun and his daughter stood next to him. Wondering who their father spoke too. The girl walked to her father and held his hand.

“Ji-Yun, this is Ms. Hae- Jin. She is the one who pulled you out of the water during the dock accident. We spent many days waiting for both of you to recover at the hospital. Today we all meet here. She is your savior.” He said, then turned to his daughter and added,” Ms. Hae- Jin this is my daughter, Ji-Ye-Seul”.

She tried to smile at them and then slowly and deliberately Hae- Jin met Ji-Yun’s eyes. Trying to see in them traces of the past. Searching for traces of a face she remembered.

A long silence fell as their eyes met.

A veil separating the present from the past fell for Hae - Jin, as images of the past flooded back.

The soldiers had flooded the Daminwon blocking their escape.

Their cries of “Find the 10th Prince!” had made them realize they only had moments left. Park Soon-Deok had put herself in the direct line of fire to save Prince Eun.

She had tried to escape the Daminwon with him after Soon-Deok had left, but Prince Eun wouldn’t move.

Fear had filled her then, but Prince Eun had remained calm, saying to her, “What can I do? I am her awesome person now. I am all she has.”

His smile had been the last one she saw from him as he pulled his arm out of her grasp and followed his wife leaving her empty handed.

She stood in full realization of the enormity of what was about to happen then.

In her mind she could see the battle field and the open courtyard, as they knelt, afterwards their faces in complete devastation: Prince Jung, General Park Soo-Kyung holding his daughter’s fallen body, and herself with Prince Eun ‘s body next to Soon-Deok’s. The General had asked her if they had been happy.

He had said his Seon-Deok would have married him anyway even knowing the outcome.

The memories made her eyes fill with tears.

Seeing her crying, Ji-Yun approached her and placed his hand softly on her shoulder. “Thank you unnie, for saving me." He said.

He then pulled a small ball out of his backpack, one that had been sewn from pieces of silk and handed it to her. “This is one of my creations, I like it better than the modern plastic kind. I think toys are the best way to forget your troubles.

I plan to grow up well now and someday own the best toy store in Seoul.” He said to her.

I also plan to have my best friend join me. Together her and I will make and sell toys someday.”

He then smiled at her and said, “You and Hyung should be happy together too unnie. You deserve it.”

Ji-Yun’s father then said to her, “You should join us at home for dinner one of these nights. My wife is a good cook. We’d like it if you could both join us.” He finished looking up behind her.

She turned to see Jeong Jun, standing there.

XVI. Reunion

“The only thing sweeter than union is reunion.” -Kathleen McGowan

These days Hae Jin rode in a car to so many locations. This morning they were riding to a Saturday morning hike in the mountains.

Five months ago, she was still taking the bus to travel around Seoul. Since then, so much continued to change.

Her mind seemed to be catching up with understanding how he had found her. The modern world afforded them time to have conversations, in a way that Goryeo had not.  They found time to meet around their jobs and daily routines.

Here, the days seemed to move faster. Here, they were not surrounded by a royal household constantly enmeshed in its plots, scandals, and day to day responsibilities. Here, their hearts could meet as two ordinary people.

In Goryeo the days had seemed longer, and time had passed slower.

The modern world suddenly felt so rushed.  The realization that five months together had already passed made her feel like time here slipped like water thru her hands.

Their times together were frequent here.  Jeong Jun seemed focused on making every minute they spent together matter.

If only her heart could move as fast as her mind had, into fully accepting all of it. Most days, she felt as if she walked in a dream afraid of waking up.

Jeong Jun seemed to know she was struggling and simply continued to be by her side, accompanying her thru long silences.  

Holding her hand to comfort her, and continuing to move them along, as they engaged in activities. As if he understood, time would eventually help her heart catch up, and until then he would keep them both going thru the motions. Adapting to life together in the modern world.

Her mind which had asked endless questions before he appeared, now seemed to almost hold in expectation of the day to come.

Each conversation fit another piece into place and brought another surprise, another explanation, a new way to look at everything.

“We’re here.” Jun said turning the engine off. Looking out the window, with a satisfied smile he added,” The weather is holding. Sunny, but not too warm.” Turning to her he smiled. “It’s going to be a good day. “

Seeing his enthusiasm, and the smile in his eyes, made her smile too.

Moments later, they sat on a rock as he checked their backpacks one more time. He had packed light but necessary as he told her; 

Rain jackets, snacks, food, water, first aid kit, flashlight, map.

He tested the straps on her backpack. Adjusting the straps for her comfort. His closeness even now continued to take her by surprise.

Seeing her hiking boot shoelace undone, he knelt before she could to tie it.  Lifting her leg onto a small rock for support. He leaned on one knee too.

Seeing the top of his head and his short hair, she remembered the days when his hair had been long. She gently touched the shorter strands on top of his head making him look up.

She couldn’t resist teasing him, “Jeong Jun you’re a regular boy scout, aren’t you?” she said.

He smiled at her and said, “You never know when wolves will come along. If you don’t want to be eaten, you should be prepared. 

Lucky for you, you have me. Sometimes it takes one wolf to fight off another.” He answered with a grin.

His casual reference to the past again took her by surprise.

Before she could think, he strapped his own pack on, and said, “There’s a temple at the top of the mountain. It’s the highlight of the trip. Come on. We don’t want to be coming back after sundown…. Remember those wolves…..” He said  as he walked off, leaving her to focus on the hike ahead.

They were more than halfway to their destination when, they stopped to eat. 

The hike made her legs feel tired and sore.

She sat on the ground looking through her pack to find the sandwiches she had packed.

He sat close to her, his arms wrapped around his knees. Their arms and legs touching. She could feel his warmth radiating from his clothes. She ate slowly.

She looked up into the nearby treetops realizing that real silence now surrounded them.

He spoke, breaking the silence “It’s the real quiet in Goryeo I miss most. I never realized I would miss it.” He said while biting into his second sandwich.

Watching how he ate she was glad she had packed extras.

She could hear birds up on the branches and the brook gurgling nearby. Taking a deep breath, she suddenly felt grateful.

The exercise and quiet was exactly what she needed. She felt relaxed and at peace as a real smile suddenly crept up on her.

His eyes followed her every expression.

Noise from the trail made them look up as a man and two children approached.

The boy was in his teens, the girl was 10 or 11 years old.

They greeted them and stopped to talk before continuing the trail.

The girl held one of her father’s hands, and handed him flowers she picked. His son complained loudly about how they would never reach the temple if she continued.

The father’s free hand-held flowers and his smile showed he was enjoying their dilemma.

As they walked away, Hae Jin wished her every thought and feeling in that moment were not spelled clearly across her face for Jun to see as her eyes traveled to the daughter and her father’s intertwined hands.

Fearing Jun could read her like a book, she tried to focus on packing away the remains of their lunch shielding her eyes.

As the family walked away, he spoke.

“She had your smile. Seol.”

His words left her tuning in to his every word, letting her imagination fill the gaps for all the images her eyes would never see.

“She was very knowledgeable in medicinal herbs. Her skills helped many at the Daemi-won. She grew up smart, a little rebellious, strong and beautiful; she was loved by Prince Jung and their family.”

He paused for a moment drinking some water from his water bottle then continued, “She knew I was her father. I watched over her…. I loved her.” He ended.

Their first week together their conversations had centered on Seol.

Feeling a now familiar sadness, Hae Jin stood up and walked towards the creek wooden bridge.  He followed her and stood next to her watching its rushing waters through the rails.

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

She took a moment and then said,” I was thinking about stolen moments.”

“Are you regretting things again?” He asked.

She didn’t look at him, but nodded slowly in answer.

His hand reached for hers then.

Then after a moment, she asked, “Did you hate me after I left you?  After you found out about Seol? After you knew who I really was?”

He placed his hands on her shoulders then, turning her slowly to meet his eyes.

She could see her answers in them.

He kissed her forehead.

His simple “No” was enough for her.

It was afternoon by the time they reached the gates to the temple.

The doors stood open for visitors.

They walked up the narrow path and through gates to reach an open courtyard.

They stood watching the view of the surrounding mountains as two monks quietly approached.  They were both greeted in the manner she remembered those at court greeting them.

“Welcome to Haeinsa temple.” One of the monks said.

Then turning the monk faced Jeung Jun and said softly, “The Abbot would like to meet with you. We have been expecting you, Your Majesty.”