XVIII. Coming Back

“There is a kind magicness about going far away and then coming back all changed.” Kate Douglas Wiggie

Hae Jin stood in front of the sink inside the small kitchen in her apartment washing her dishes.  She slowly scrubbed a glass with the wash sponge. She wore a pair of latex gloves.  She enjoyed washing dishes in warm water. It served to relax after work and meditate on her day.  She only owned two plates and currently washed only one. She had gotten used to eating with Jun and eating alone again suddenly felt like both a curse and a blessing.

She hadn’t spoken to or seen Jun in a week. She took a moment aware of the quiet around her. It gave her space to think and let things catch up for her. Since Jun had appeared everything had moved so rapidly. Her days had felt like she was always holding her breath in expectation, waiting for their next encounter, wondering at how it could all be happening to her. Feelings just so many of them.  The space had been a needed respite to figure it all out. Even so, she also missed him terribly.

They had quarreled as they hiked back down from the temple visit. 

Every time she replayed their conversation in her head, which she had done all week, she started feeling upset again.

She dried her dishes and slowly put them away. It was a Friday night, but she didn’t want to go out. Instead, she would take a shower and put her pajamas on.

The doorbell rang making her freeze. She was almost afraid to find out who it might be.  She looked at the camera and saw who it was.

“Hello, Hae Jin, it’s me.  Came over for a visit. I’m glad you are home. I thought you might have gone out, since it’s Friday night.” Getting closer to the camera he said, “Your baby is here, he misses you. It’s been a whole week, so come on, open up, pleaaase.” He finished with a wide grin. Seeing those adorable eyes placed in front of the camera, she couldn’t resist opening the door. She knew he was using those eyes against her.

His tall frame filled the door. Suddenly she saw him darting in between her feet.  His little puppy legs running as fast as they could and bolting into her apartment. All she managed to see was a white fur ball running past her. She forgot all about the man standing at the door and started chasing after snowball, without looking back she said to him, “You did that on purpose, Jeong Ahn!”

Jeong Ahn leaned on the door smiling with his arms crossed. In his hand he carried a plastic grocery bag and said to her, “Of course, I did! Who can resist snowball? You and Hyung left him with me for a week. I was okay for both of you to have some time together last weekend, and it’s not that I mind snowball. You both know that, but it has been a week. I have a girlfriend and a life too, you know? 

Besides, Hyung came back in a foul mood.  I thought you were both getting away for some relax time?”

Hae Jin had managed to catch snowball and held him close to her in one arm, rubbing her cheek against his fur. Already, holding him was making her feel better than she had all week. 

She walked up to the door and focused her eyes on the bag Jeon Ahn carried with a question in her eyes. She could have sworn his eyes were twinkling with mischief.

 “We didn’t mean to leave him with you for a week. Thank you for taking care of him. I thought your brother would pick him up? I’m not supposed to have dogs in my apartment. Stop blocking the door. Come on in, before my landlady sees snowball.” She said, then asked,” What’s in the bag?”

“Therapy” he answered. “I picked up some soju at the store on my way here. Seeing her narrowing her eyes at him, he said,” Before you say anything more, you owe me for snowball, and this is for me as well as you.  I need a friend now.” As he spoke to her he entered her apartment and sat on one of her chairs.

Hae Jin closed the door, walked into her kitchen, grabbing a bowl of water for snowball. 

“Ju- Hee turned me down.” He said. “I proposed, and she said, she wanted to think about it.  “His voice was full of disbelief and hurt.

“After everything we’ve been thru together, she loves me, and I love her.” As he said this, his fingers interlaced through his hair and he looked down at the floor looking dejected. “What’s the holdup then?” He added feeling frustrated.

Snowball drank water from his bowl, and Hae Jin was able to focus on Jeong Ahn.  Instead of giving him an answer she grabbed the bag from him walking to her kitchen. She opened the cupboard looking for glasses.  “Did you remember to buy any snacks?” she asked, smiling at him as he looked up at her.

An hour and a half and several soju bottles later they both sat on the floor around her coffee table.  She had fed snowball and he lay on a floor pillow napping.  She was feeling sleepy herself and wished she could be napping too.

They had played a few rounds of Hi Low, and Titanic.  Hae Jin had beat Jeong Ahn at Hi Low since she seemed to pull better cards than him.  Jeong Ahn had asked they switch to Titanic, and now he was winning as her balance was not great and her glass kept sinking.

“That’s enough, Jeong Ahn. You’re too good at this game, we’re switching again.” she said.  As she spoke she was finding it hard to keep her thoughts focused and her back straight and leaned against the coffee table for support.

“There. That’s it. Right there. We can switch to playing King.” then he said “but first I need to understand women. Why do you always change your minds?  What is it women want?  In a 1,000 years I will never understand.” He said to her with finality, laying his head on the coffee table for support.

His reference to time triggered a memory of Goryeo. She had sat at a similar table with him then drinking after Lady Hae’s death.  Jeong Ahn did not know who he had been then in Goryeo.  He didn’t understand that things between him, Prince Baek-Ah and Woo Hee had not ended well then. She wanted him to know how important getting things right this time around in the present was especially since he did not know about his past………she finally said to him,

“The problem is boxes, women are always inside boxes….  You can be the wife, the mother, the slave, the Queen, or the lover.

What about not being someone who fits into one box?  What if you just want to enjoy each other’s company. Is being yourself not good enough? Must you always have a title for others to accept you? What if you like being free of boxes? You just want to live. Just because someone hands you a box, it doesn’t always mean you should get inside it.  Let me tell you Jeong Ahn, I don’t think people always have as much time as they think they do.  So just live and forget about the boxes………Got it?”

He looked at her and said in return as he offered her a benevolent smile “Got it!” and nodded his head.

Then she added, “I never fit into any of those boxes anyway.  I thought I knew Jeong Ju. I realized on that trip to the mountains, I truly don’t know him. Jeong Ahn, tell me, you can be honest with me. How can you know someone’s heart so well it feels like they are already a part of your own, and then realize they aren’t that person anymore? But even so, you still love them? What if you realize your heart truly can’t forgive them this time? Maybe it isn’t in you? I’m scared that might be the case. I don’t know what to do.” As Hae Jin spoke her lids stayed half open, then slowly she laid her head on her arms closing her eyes.

“Hey, Hae Jin you can’t fall asleep on me…we’re still playing King remember? He gently touched her shoulder “You always worry too much.” He said to her shaking her shoulder to wake her up.

Her head suddenly popped up, “King? ……. Ok, fine, I’ll be the King then. Jeong Ahn jump on one foot!” she commanded waving her hand as if giving a royal command.

Jeong Ahn stood and started jumping on one foot…the floor to her apartment shook before he lost his balance and landed on the floor.

They both broke into fits of laughter before hard knocking on the door to her apartment brought the merriment to a full stop.

Hae Jin covered her eyes with both hands “Oh no! I think that’s my landlady or the downstairs neighbor.  Jeong Ahn this is all your fault!” She said, standing up carefully and walking slowly to her door ready to apologize.  She straightened her skirt and tried to straighten her hair and back already anticipating their anger at all the noise she opened the door slowly, saying “I’m terribly sorry.” Suddenly she stopped.

“Are you?  I’m sorry too. Let’s not fight anymore. “ Jeong Jun said.  He watched her for a minute. Her cheeks were flushed. Her hair was in disarray. She looked adorable!

 “You’ve been drinking.” He said.  Hae Jin nodded at him. He stepped a little closer.

“I’ve been thinking this week and I remembered you saying to me as we stood by a lake that if we ever met in this world, you would truly, truly, love me without reservation.  I came over to let you know, I plan on holding you accountable to that promise.” 

Stretching his arms out he wrapped them around her waist pulling her to him.  “I’ve missed you” He said, giving her just enough time to look into his eyes, before his lips landed softly on hers, to kiss her.

Jeong Ahn’s voice made them pull away. “Hyung? Is that you?” he called out at them. “I’m so glad you’re here. We were just about to start playing King.” He added.

Turning towards the door Jeong Jun closed it, saying to them, “Now that’s something I can easily do. Let’s play!”