XX. Finding You.

“In the end you don't so much find yourself as you find someone who knows who you are. “          ~Robert Brault

Hae Jin sat on a pillow on the floor wrapped in a soft cotton yakuta. The robes had been provided by the inn and both Jun and she had changed into them after returning from a day of sightseeing.

The mudslide had been cleared and they had arrived late in the evening at the inn in Kawayu Onsen, soaked by the rain, hungry and cold.

This made the Japanese style table in front of them with its smell of shrimp and freshly cooked rice more enticing.

She suddenly felt grateful for the unassuming warmth of the inn they stayed at. It’s family ownership made her feel welcomed. She knew a hotel would have made this trip feel like a business trip rather than a getaway.

 A window overlooked the river. The most prominent feature of the town. The free-flow of its banks was a natural hot spring.

 

Her eyes continued to watch outside the window. Something about running water made her feel calm.  Hae Jin became aware that Jun was watching her.

At moments like these she realized there were many times their communication went beyond words. She could read his eyes. She knew he worried about what had happened as they exited the bus.

He hadn’t said anything about his brother but they both knew a part of their history had come to light with this encounter. The memories of 3^rd Prince and his years as King felt raw and fresh in her mind.

She remembered how back in Goryeo she had felt so glad to see 4^th prince return to the palace. She had felt fortunate just to catch a glimpse of him.

The King had sent 4^th prince away. In those days The King referred to him as nothing but a wolf dog on a leash at his beck and call.  Sadly, she understood who the reason was he accepted that leash keeping him in place. His servitude had been willingly given to keep her safe. She had waited two long years for his return.

That afternoon, they had stood on an open garden in the palace, as the King overlooked them from one of the buildings.  4^th prince had been only steps away from her and she had desperately hoped they had been alone in that garden but instead the King’s eyes and that of his retinue still followed them. 

The King had fired an arrow straight at her.  She had been helpless to do anything but wait for the arrow to hit her like a deer hunted down for game.

4th prince had moved on instinct. He had turned in one fluid motion as his arms wrapped themselves around her circling her away from the arrows path. The arrow had grazed his arm instead of hitting her and landed them both on the ground.

She had laid next to him just a hand’s length away and met his eyes with the realization that once again he had put himself in harms way to save her.

His words to her a few days earlier may have said he wanted to stay away from her, but his actions had spoken louder than those words.

Jun smiled at her reading the memories running thru her mind and the emotions on her face.

They both sat on the floor on opposite sides to the table. She felt so grateful at the miracle of being able to sit and share a meal with him now. They had traveled a long road together from there to here. 

Trying to break the awkwardness they both felt, she picked up her chopsticks and found some beef. This was his favorite. She brought a bite size piece close to his mouth. His eyes continued to follow her. He ate slowly.

After he finished eating, he had looked down, picked up his chopsticks and found some shrimp. It was her favorite. His chopsticks held a small piece close to her mouth.  She smiled at him a little locking her gaze and chewing slowly.

Their eyes spoke what they couldn’t.

They ate in silence almost finishing the whole meal before his words took her by surprise, “This is not the first time I’ve met Yo in modern times, and it won’t be the last.” He said.

“His company is bidding against ours. He was sent as their representative from Seoul. We met at the exchange on Wednesday.  He will be attending tomorrow night’s culture and music event alongside their company’s President.  You should be prepared to see a familiar face in that President.” He finished.

Hae Jin sat quietly trying to come to terms with this announcement. Then asked cautiously as she set her chopsticks down, “Why do I get the feeling this isn’t going to be one of my favorite people from Goryeo? A familiar face?” she added.

“It’s Yeon-Hwa, Queen Daemok.” He answered directly.

Hearing her name Hae Jin realized she wasn’t prepared at all for the emotions that name stirred in her.

She turned her eyes away towards the window trying to gain some calm from the river once again.

Seeing her concern, Jun had stood and walked to her side, sitting close to her. He had taken her hand wrapping it in his and saying,” Your hand is cold, I have the perfect solution to warming up after the rain.”

He had stood then his eyes asking her to follow him.

They had walked outside to a secluded area in the river surrounded by trees. Jun held a small shovel in his hands.

They stood in the same slippers and robes provided by the inn in which they had eaten dinner.

 “This is a tradition, from what the inn keepers explained.” He said, then taking the shovel he took his slippers off, walked to the water and started digging a small pool for them out of the river’s loose pebbles.

  

The sight of Jun digging in a robe under moonlight suddenly made her spirits lighten up again.

“You know Jun, for being a prince, then a King and now a top executive, we always seem to find ourselves in the oddest places doing the oddest things together.” Hae Jin had said to him.

Her words made him stop digging for a moment. 

He stood looking around them.  At that moment as if on cue an owl hooted making them both look at each other and laugh.

Then he eyed her slowly from the bottom of her slippers to the top of her head saying, “If it keeps you from worrying unnecessarily and serves as true distraction for both of us, I don’t see the harm.” He said as his eyes traveled to the shovel in his hands.

 “No matter where we go the past seems intent on reappearing. I am no expert in reincarnation. I’ll leave that to the monks, but it seems clear at this point that we are part of something bigger than ourselves. “He had paused for a moment before continuing,

“I had no control over how I took over Jeong Jun’s body as a child. I was able to grow up in this world.  I can now understand some of what you must have felt in Goryeo. I’ve had time to adapt to this new life. However, you were thrown into the life of an adult and expected to carry thru that life having no prior knowledge of what happened.” 

Their eyes met as he said this. Then he added,  

“Hae Jin I don’t regret having prior knowledge that you would travel to Goryeo on that dock. I am in the modern world now, I knew what that eclipse would do after the accident and what it meant for you and all of us.

You asked me as we descended the mountain at Haeinsa if stopping you from traveling to Goryeo would have stopped all the suffering that followed?” silence had followed before he said,

“I don’t know…. I did not choose to be born a prince, to be cast away by my family at Shinju…. but I chose you.” In a softer voice he had said,” I found you. We are here.”

“Whatever the changes around us, one thing will not change Hae Jin. In Goryeo, in this life or all the ones that follow. I will continue to find you my Soo-yah because you are all I need to find me.”

Hae Jin stood quietly listening to his words, letting them slowly sink into her heart. The way these moments between them always did.

Sometime later, she stood watching Jun and said, “Jun, are you trying to dig us a pool to soak in or a small lake?”

Instead of answering her, he stopped and pushed the shovel into the pebbled ground walking towards her. He put his hands on her shoulders, 

“Only a pool fit for a King and his Queen will do.

Now the trick is to get warm water from the river’s hot spring and mix it with enough chilly water to make it comfortable. I want you to soak and relax not cook in this pool Hae Jin. “His eyes suddenly changed on her again as he explained this.

At times she realized no matter how long they knew each other he still could take her by surprise repeatedly. She tried to read his mood and wondered then if she’d ever really know him well enough to fully understand him?

Seeing his eyes again she had almost been afraid to ask but also knew she had too. He had baited her perfectly into this corner, “What about our swimming suits?” she asked.

An almost triumphant look came over him as if he had been waiting for her to ask. Fully aware it had taken her this long to figure it out.  He answered in a matter of fact way, “The innkeeper explained this tradition very well to me Hae Jin. Swimming suits…. are optional.” He said.

Looking at him she understood a challenge when she heard one.

“Don’t worry Hae Jin. The innkeeper provided us with towels.” Jun added preparing to enter the pool.

Hae Jin looked at the pebbled ground around their pool. Two white washcloths lay on the ground.

The next evening, Jun sat next to Hae Jin holding her hand in the back of the car as they waited to enter the company’s party.

Hae Jin wore a long black dress. Jun wore a tuxedo.

She knew she was feeling nervous about this event. She reminded herself that she had already navigated court intrigue in a royal household. A company party should be no different. She felt grateful that Jun had prepared her ahead of time for unexpected surprises.

“I will be busy tonight meeting with our business partners.  You should stay close to Ju Hee and Jeong Ahn. The meetings could go late into the night Hae Jin. Feel free to leave earlier with Ju Hee and Ahn in the company car if you need to. I will meet you at the inn.” He said to her.

“I will wait for you Jun. We can leave together.” She said.

Jun had squeezed her hand one last time before the driver opened the door for them.

Jeong Ahn’s concert had just ended. Hae Jin sat next to Ju Hee on her left side Jun sat next to her on her right.

Watching Ahn performing Hae Jin thought about how most days she could see parts of her old friend in Ahn, but today the differences between Ahn and Prince Baek-Ah had seemed to vanish as she listened to him playing.  She could almost imagine his royal clothes on and his long hair again when she listened to his music.

Ju Hee spoke to her in a soft voice after the concert, “There are times when he plays like tonight that I feel like I’ve known Ahn for a long time. As if I’m listening to a very old soul emerging when he plays. Other times, his playfulness reminds me he is like a small child at heart.  He can play sad songs that make me feel regret too... It’s as if the more I find Ahn, I find me ….” Ju Hee had paused for a minute in deep thought, then she had added quickly and in a lighter tone,” I suppose a good artist can communicate emotions without words.”

“It’s hard to separate the person from the artist Ju Hee. It was a beautiful concert.” Hae Jin had said.

Afterwards they both stood by a buffet table waiting for Ahn to join them.

Hae Jin could see Jun in a separate group some distance from them next to his older brother CEO, Jeong Min. Next to them stood two businessmen. 

All four were in deep conversation.

The room became quiet as the next VIP’s entering the party were announced at the door. First, they announced, “President Hwang Ae-Ri!” All eyes turned to the door.